We have all heard of the woman who get to "eat for two" during pregnancy and gain 50-100 lbs and not have a doctor even flinch in their direction, right? The woman who have absolutely zero risk pregnancies. The woman who smoke cigarettes, marijuana, may even drink alcohol, or worse, do major drugs... But yet they give birth to normal (in this sense) babies.
I did EVERYTHING I could before this pregnancy to ensure a healthy baby/pregnancy, and so far, it's paying off! I lost 40 lbs, I quit smoking, I changed my eating habits and I got on a new medication to help with my hormones. So far, these all have made for a very comfortable, uncomplicated pregnancy. However, this is not to say that I am super, SUPER jealous of the woman who can eat a truck load of ice cream! I will do ANYTHING for this little boy to come home healthy, but I must say sometimes I wish I could just pig out - because lets face it - all pregnant woman just want to eat! I have lost 2 lbs so far during this pregnancy (but you wouldn't guess that looking at this baby mountain protruding out the front of me!). When you have to check your blood sugar 4 times a day, and document EVERYTHING you eat, and then have a nurse check it every 2 weeks - you don't slip! I want to!!... But I don't.
After I lost Jakob, a fellow baby loss mom and I were talking and I said "I just want to make it to the "safe point" to be able to relax, in a pregnancy. She kind of laughed and said, "Once you get to 12 weeks, you will want to get to viability, and then you will worry about stillbirth". Now remember, when you have lost 2 already, you fear ALL of the worst. I thought, after that mom and I talked - I doubt it, I will be fine at 12 weeks. Wrong. I got to 12 and still worried. Is my cervix competent? Is his heart okay? Now, I am stressed over the anatomy scan, because we denied any and all testing. After that, I will be stressed until viability! Then, I am HOPING, at that point, I will be able to relax. I sure sound like a nervous "nelly"!. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am not in control, and that He is. When I remind myself of this, I relax a lot. It is what it is. I can do this!
Unbelievably, I am nearing closer and closer to a point in pregnancy that honestly, I NEVER expected to be witnessing! I am ALMOST halfway. I am SO close I can taste it! In less than 2 weeks, I will be out of these "teen" weeks and feeling like I have graduated to a better stage!
I often daydream about this little boy... I wonder what/who he will look like. Will he have mommy's nose? Daddy's chin? Mommy's red hair? Daddy's cute butt? I am so happy and grateful to God for giving us this gift. So grateful in fact, that, it takes away all of the selfishness I have for not getting to eat junk food all day! :)
Happy weekend everyone!