Tuesday, May 24, 2011


When I found out I was pregnant, back in early January, I thought that each milestone was light years away! 12 weeks! 16 weeks! 20 weeks! and then when I thought about 24 weeks, I thought that there was NO way I would be getting to that point....

I made it! AND, with flying colors!!! The baby measures perfect, every time. His heart is perfect. My growth is perfect. Blood pressure perfect. I have gained about 3 lbs, in 24 weeks. Everything is perfect.

I was put through hell, losing 2 babies, to find out God's plan. He HAD a plan. He saved my life, before he let me grow a healthy life. Without those 2 babies, I would not have found out some health issues, lost all of my weight, quit smoking, etc. I thank God, and my 2 babies, for sacrificing their lives, for their brother Wyatt, and their mom.

Tomorrow, if Wyatt were to be born, he would have a 50-70% chance of survival. Everyday after tomorrow, the % goes up tremendously! I DO NOT want to have Wyatt this week, or any week soon, but I am starting to have a good relaxing calm, knowing that every week I go farther, I am looking at bringing my baby boy home! I know some people are probably wondering why I even worry, about preterm... Well, having lost 2, it is scary! I know everything has been perfect, so I don't really have a risk of preterm, per say, but its nice to know I am getting to a point where I am can breathe a bit easier.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Father's Day

So, I surely realize that all of my friends out there have the best husbands too, but sometimes I just have to talk about my lovely husband.

Sometimes, I am so in awe of this man! Battling and beating cancer TWO times. Being 37 and on complete, permanent diaability (for now at least), having to be on blood thinners, and worse, living in fear of a blood clot your entire life... Plus so many more things. I know, that when standing on the "edge" and being given the chance to survive, your entire view on life and love changes.
Almost everyday since I became pregnant with Wyatt, Matt has made us/worried about dinner and all meals. Every night after dinner he collects pajamas from our room, brings them to the bathroom, and sets up a warm salt bath. He walks with me 2-3 times a day, even when he doesnt feel good. He will go and buy the food i HAVE to have. He cleans our house top to bottom, drives Evan to church group, deals with all of his schoolwork... He rubs my belly, back whenever I am uncomfortable. Every single night, I lay across his chest and he rubs my back/hair until I fall asleep.
He just lives to do things and care for others! Completely selfless! I strive to be as giving as him!
I hope our son posesses Matt's selfless, giving traits.
I am so in love with this man!

Thursday, May 5, 2011


......What a nasty word.


negative (comparative more negative, superlative most negative)

  1. not positive or neutral
  2. pessimistic; not tending to see the bright side of things.
    I don't like to hang around him very much, because he can be so negative many times about his petty problems.
  3. damaging; undesirable; unfavourable
    The high exchange rate will have a negative effect on our profits.
    Customers didn't like it: feedback was mostly negative.
  4. (mathematics) of number, less than zero
  5. (physics) of electrical charge of an electron and related particles


Sometimes, I am negative (it seems like more than not, these days). Everyone, except God Himself, has negativity. It's human nature, and its expected.

These last few days, my life on facebook has become another whirlwind of negative creation! It all started when our Navy Seals killed Osama Bin Laden. Before his blood was even dry, and probably before he even met Our maker, people started to debate over whether or not Obama, or our military were responsible for his capture/death. I will no longer engage in who I think was responsible, did the better deed, etc. It doesn't matter. No one should rejoice in the death of another. I understand why it had to happen... But, I will not go into a political debate over it.

I learned this the hard (or negative) way. I got into "it" with someone today. And actually, I am so THANKFUL to her, for letting me see the light. Instead of being a wicked person, and just cursing me out, she calmly showed me how I was acting. My heart is so sad, to see how someone was "perceiving" me. So, Thank you to her!

Life has been a roller coaster for me and for my husband, and for my husband and I together. Could all of the things we have been through put a negative, sharp edge on me? I would like to use the bad things I have been through as an excuse to be a bitch, but I look at my husband. The most calm, sweet hearted, loving and giving person! He has been through SO much more than me, and yet, he doesn't hold a grudge. He stays mellow, and stays giving. I yearn to be like him. I really like to think I am not such a cold hearted person, but maybe I am!

No more! God and I will "talk" sometimes. Granted, I am doing all of the talking, but through others, I hear Him. There is no reason to stay "sharp-edged", negative or cold. My wall can come down, and it will still be the same! I will be okay! My wall has become too thick, that I was letting NOTHING and sometimes NO ONE in! There was wrought iron, wood, mortar, brick, and even some chain link. It was a thick wall!

Part of letting go of negativity, is realizing no one is perfect. I can't make them perfect. I can't be perfect. I can just accept the people for who they are! Everyone is going through something too.

Sometimes I let out a breath, and I realize I had been holding it in for too, too long. Right now, I feel like I just let out the largest, deepest breath ever.

I know that I can not be perfect, and that I will slip up. But my mission now, forever more, is to TRY to be as positive and as optimistic as I can possibly be! To practice what I learn from His word.

**Please pray for Matt. He has been going through a lot in the last month, with an entirely new, potential health problem. He will be going for an MRI this week or next, and having a LOT of blood work done. We know there IS a problem, but we are praying that God makes it a problem we can deal with, and one that won't damper his daily life more than it has. Thank you to those who pray for him. He is a strong, strong man. And I love him more than anything, and couldn't imagine him without me...**

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

21 weeks!

21 weeks! 7 weeks until the 3rd trimester!! Its SO amazing how fast pregnancy goes, when there are no problems! I remember with the other 2 pregnancies, how slow it seemed to go! Now, I'm over halfway and time is not slowing (which is great!!).

Not much to report on, but I just wanted to keep this blog going!