Thursday, December 30, 2010

Happy New Year!

Wow... What a year!!! So many ups, and so many downs. It's definitely was a whirlwind of a year, to say the least.

I am looking forward to saying goodbye to 2010, and welcoming 2011 with big open arms!

Here's to many new and wonderful possibilities for 2011!!

Happy New Year everyone!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Finally done..

...with blood work! I swear I was at the lab at LEAST 10 times in the last 3 months. But, it all payed off in the end. I had a nice long chat with my ob Dr. yesterday... All of my tests as far as the chromosomes and genetic makeup are normal, but one test that has to do with antibodies and some hemoglobin (not sure if that was it) was elevated. It was the 'IGM'.. She said if this came back elevated again, we might have somewhat of an answer for the 2 miscarriages. She said if it was still elevated I would most likely be put on lovenox (which I know ALL too well with Matt) shots during a pregnancy. God had mercy on me and my test came back COMPLETELY normal! This was GREAT news to us.
The crappy part about this news? My Doc can't give me any answers. It's kind of a 'shrug your shoulders' deal where she can't really say why it happened twice. I have my thoughts on why it probably happened, but no one can/will ever know for sure.
She said that with the weight loss, quitting smoking long before the pregnancy, losing the 40 lbs and being on prenatal vitamins and Metformin for months before the pregnancy will all play a 'GREAT odds' hand in the next pregnancy. She is pretty confident that it will end in a live, healthy birth.
I pray DAILY that she is right, and I pray that God help us in this upcoming adventure. I hope that he gives me courage and strength to not freak out and be nervous constantly during the pregnancy too.
Tomorrow marks 10 months since Baby Bean was born, and exactly 2 months before Jakob Bean's due date. I hate the 24th.
We are off to Church to Christmas service! We were so stoked that our Church offered the service tonight as well as tomorrow! This means tomorrow will be an all day pajama/baking/snuggling/family day! :)
Merry Christmas everyone!! And Happy New Year too!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Life lessons, brought to you by Rascal Flatts and Garth!

Do you listen to certain songs JUST because you love the lyrics? Those lyrics mean something to you personally and you can personally relate on every level? I do. And I love finding those songs.

When we had our wedding I chose ALL of the important songs. Before I came out to walk down the aisle I chose "Mama's Song" By Carrie Underwood to play for my mom (who walked me down the aisle). Our first dance was a song by Keith Urban. Matt's song with his mom was "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts. I LOVE this song. It was SO perfect for Matt. He has been through so much.

Sometimes I tell Matt that I don't like that he was married 2 times, and has a child with either ex wife. But then, as soon as it spills from my lips I realize that without him going through those times, him and I probably would not have met. Remember that song by Garth? Thank God for UNanswered prayers? That's an awesome thing to think about. There are SO many things that I thank God for NOT answering. He really knows whats best, and when and where to place people/things in your life.

The one song I think about when I think about Matt's past "life" is "Bless the Broken Road" By Rascal Flatts. Matt and I both have been on broken roads our entire life. This should have been our first dance song, but no one would have "got" it.

I am so grateful to God for giving me this broken road, and for not answering some of my prayers.

God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you... LOVE!

What a year!

This year has brought some amazing changes to my life, and the lives of our families. But the biggest (no pun intended) physical change has been of myself. Although I am hesitant and slightly ashamed (and embarrassed) to share the before pictures with you, I will proudly, because of the huge change I have made!

I didn't use a fad diet. I didn't starve myself. I simply changed my lifestyle. I ate less, and exercised more. What a concept, right? Its true: DIETS DON'T WORK! Really, they don't. If you want to lose weight, and successfully keep it off - don't diet. Eat better, smaller portions, and better food. And then, get your butt outside (or inside, wherever you prefer) and move it!

When I started to officially change my life, I was wearing a size 20W. Now, I am VERY close to squeezing into a 12. My goal is to fit comfortably into a size 10. But, I am not going to punish myself if I don't pull it off quickly, or at all.

I am SO darn proud of myself. My life back "then" was sad. Depressing. I just didn't care. Now I care. I will be upset with myself if I don't get some form of exercise everyday. I also cannot even look at the food I used to eat. This morning at Church Matt bought a donut for himself and one for me. I took 2 bites and handed it over to him. I can't even bring myself to eat such sugary/fattening foods anymore. Now, to someone who is not overweight eating these things on occasion are fine, but to me, its bad news. It only reminds me of the bad ways I had.

So, without further ado... Here are the dreaded pictures.


AFTER (well, currently)
(Don't mind my cheesy grin and lack of makeup, as this was a more candid shot Matt took)

Monday, December 13, 2010

I am 2 days from not having ONE cigarette for TWO weeks!!! I can't believe I am doing it. Obviously, there are some SUPER hard times, but for the most part, overall, it's been quite easy. I have been a bitch on certain mornings, but once I slap the patch on and it starts to soak in to my skin the horns start to shrink. I am impressed with myself, and I have learned that you can do anything as long as you set your heart to it. I also have learned in the last week and a half that you are forced to "re learn" life after quitting smoking. Everything about your life revolved around smoking.

Matt and I got our green light last week from the Dr., and were very thrilled. Of course, now after the excitement settles, comes fear and anxiety. But, not too bad. I am nervous, and I am worried, but I am handing it over to God. I DO know that I am giving this next pregnancy every chance to be successful, with my weight loss, quitting smoking before (not right when I find out I am pregnant), being on Metformin and eating right. I'm not sure when Matt and I will start trying again, but it will probably be soon. I have started doing the BBT every morning and I have a stockpile of ovulation tests.

I pray that if God lets me become pregnant, that he also protects this baby from harm.

Can you believe that Christmas will be here in 12 days?! Where did December go?! Where did this YEAR go?? I am excited for the future, and I am excited for this year to be over as well.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


Is the day I go back to hear all my results on the last 3 months of blood work. When we saw the doctor back September, she said "Don't get pregnant until I see you in December, then we will see where we are at, and I can give you the "green light"". Well, today is that day. I'm SO nervous. I already know that most of my blood work came back normal, because my primary looked it all up a few weeks ago. But, maybe there is something she didn't tell me, or she will want me to wait longer. I don't actually mind if she tells me to wait another month or two, but I worry if she says "Don't do it at all". I doubt this will happen, but it still freaks me out.
I had received so many answers in the last 2 months that I just couldn't bear to hear anymore bad news.
Tomorrow, I would be hitting 30 weeks with Jakob. It's amazing how time flies. So many what ifs and should haves!

Wish me luck! I definitely need it today!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

2010 is working out to be a not so bad year after all!

So, not many of you probably know this, but I have been a smoker for over 10 years! Minus the pregnancies of course (Which wasn't very long, and I did smoke in the beginning of each pregnancy, before I knew I was pregnant). I started back up after this last miscarriage, and probably doubled the amount I smoked. I kept telling myself every year that I would quit, but never did. Set a date, tried to cut down... Nothing worked. After this last miscarriage, at first I didn't care, and didn't WANT to stop. And all of the other times I "planned" on quitting, it was for someone else.

Not this time. This time it was for me.

So, my New Year's Resolution started 1 month early...

And it's been 5 WHOLE days without ONE cigarette! To you non smokers, this doesn't sound like much, but to you smokers, this is like a living hell. But, the awesome thing is that it's NOT bad at ALL! I'm using the patch, and it's working great! I guess it wouldn't work that good unless you actually WANT to stop smoking.

I feel so.. healthy, clean and just alive! I know, I'm stupid, but it's SO true.

The other amazing thing is that now, I can do ANYTHING! Again, for non smokers, you might not get it, but when you smoke, pretty much EVERYTHING in your life is revolved around when you can have your next cigarette. At work you countdown until your next break. At home you pause movies to go smoke. You hardly get to enjoy a meal because you are outside smoking before it's even hit your stomach. You don't go do certain things because it takes away from your smoking. It's an addiction, like every other drug, drink, well... addiction.

In 2010 I can gladly say:
I stopped biting my nails (not a huge deal, but I bit them since I was 9!)
Stopped being addicted to food and soda
Lost nearly 40 lbs!

It feels awesome. I didn't intend on announcing it, but the extra support could come in handy!

For you smokers, try the patch! Don't bother going cold turkey, or cutting down daily (won't work!), or using the E Cigg. Set a date and put on the patch. The first step of putting it on is the hardest, but really, once its been on 20 mins or so, you don't even think about smoking!

For once I can proudly say - YAY ME!!!