The men of my dreams...

Well, despite the fact that I am pissed off that I went and deleted my post describing my night last night, I am going to write ANOTHER blog! :) I'm on a roll today, aren't I? All of your comments inspired me to write again!

Basically if you read my blog this morning that got deleted, you would know that I started to miscarry last night. It was a very interesting, confusing and painful experience, that really, I didn't expect. Things happened that I didn't even bother to THINK would happen. I really just thought I would have what was like a "heavy" period. Wrong. I went into labor. I had contractions for 7 hours, and lost fluid, and then passed the baby. We will be having a ceremony for our Angel.

However, this blog is for the 2 men in my life who mean SO much to me. Matt and Evan. Evan will be 11 years old on March 3rd, basically going on 18. He is the most mature 11 year old I know. We were very open with him about the entire pregnancy loss. He was SO devastated the day we found out that the embryo had demised. He sobbed over me in bed for an hour. We explained a little bit about what a miscarriage is.

Last night when Matt got home, he sat with me while we ate dinner (which I puked up later!) and as soon as I had a contraction (minor ones during dinner), he rubbed my back every time. He needed a shower, and put me to bed. He had Evan come in and sit next to me on the bed and told Evan to rub my back every time I started to cry. It was wonderful having him near me during this time. Then, when Matt got out of the shower, he took over and was the most soothing, and comforting person I have ever known. Every single contraction, every move I made, he was there. He stood over me while I was on the toilet and rubbed my head, hair, and face. He never, ever left my side. And never once acted like it was gross, or over him to help me. When my contractions were 3 minutes apart, I seriously thought I was going to die! He kept me alive (in my eyes), and okay.

Going through what I did last night, with Matt, just concretes the reasons why I will be becoming Mrs. Hudak on March 20th. And I look forward to being a real mom to his son, Evan as well.

I will keep blogging, for as long as I can. I hope soon, its blogs about a healthy, well baby and pregnancy. I am SO much stronger now, with having this experience that I feel like I can get through anything!!!