Welcome New Year! I have been expecting you, and waiting ever so patiently for your arrival!
I've never been the type (besides maybe at the age of 21/22) to go out and "party", drink, or bar hop. I can probably count the times I have been in a bar (to actually drink) on both hands. I have no quarrels with those who do, but it's never been my thing. I can probably count one one hand how many "drinks" I've had in the last 12 months as well. I'm not anti drinking, I just don't do it. Now that I have quit smoking (and I don't use drugs), maybe I should reinvent the whole Straight Edge thing! Whoa, talk about a mental trip back to high school! ;)
Wow, that train almost derailed! Let me get back to the whole reason for this blog (if there really even IS one!) I guess what I was getting at is that the New Year/New Year's Eve Holiday has never really been a big deal for me. It didn't give me a reason to go out an drink, or anything, because I just didn't roll that way. But last night I tried... I really tried to stay up and wait it out, because it meant a lot to me to see 2010 end. Needless to say, the last time I remember seeing on my ihome, was 10:21. And then the lights went out!
That's okay though, because this morning when I woke up I kind of felt a little bit lighter, a little bit happier. I felt good. When I talk about 2010 being so sucky, I feel bad because I got married that year, and I quit smoking, and lost a lot of weight... Its not like the bad outweighs the good. Its just that of COURSE I love that I got married, but it sucks that I lost 2 pregnancies during the same year, and that just that alone, ruined the year for memories. 2010 will always be the year of a MILLION changes in my life, but it will ALWAYS also be the year I lost the 2 children I will never meet.
Waking up this morning didn't erase the fact that that happened. It didn't make it go away. But, it kind of made it feel like a clean slate was upon me. I get an entirely new year (God willing) to have some more great opportunities, and hopefully, have a child born full term, and alive.
I'm never the type to make a New Year's resolution because I know that it will never work. It's kind of why I quit smoking one month before this date. Instead, I think I would like to make a few New Year's promises/attempts. I will think long and hard of these, and write them in a journal to see often and practice doing.
I'm pretty sure some people are annoyed by me talking about this for so long, but its my life, and its what has happened to me. Trust me, I don't walk around all day talking about pregnancies, pregnancy loss, babies, etc. But, I do use this blog as an output, and for me, writing about it helps. One day, I hope that instead of these kinds of sad blogs, I will be writing about a newborn baby, and diapers, and being so tired and stressed out. I hope hope hope this will happen by this time next year!
Happy New Year everyone! Here's to a GREAT and FABULOUS 2011!