Friday, September 3, 2010

Answers.. Or lack thereof!

Today I had another Dr appt to make sure my Hcg was dropping. In one week it went from 101 to now, 22. I have to get ANOTHER blood draw next week. I am hoping that it's below 5, because I am tired of being in the lab every week, for something that is no longer.

While at the Dr. today, he told me that the anatomy side of the pathology report had come in. My baby, was a boy. I was carrying a son. I sobbed all the way home from the appt. It kind of made it more real. The baby had absolutely nothing wrong with him, physically. He was developed to exactly where he should have been, 13 weeks. I guess they sent a portion of his liver, lungs and umbilical cord to be tested as well, but I don't know what the answers/findings are with those yet. I had a feeling I was having a boy, but just hearing it/reading it made it all too real.

Tomorrow, September 4th, is my first unborn child's due date. I'm not really sure how I feel about it being here already, or how I will feel when I wake up tomorrow, but I will remember that my two children are with the Lord now, in a better place.

I found a song the other day that I wish I would have found a long time ago. It's called My Name and it's by George Canyon. He is a country Christian singer who wrote a song about child-loss for a friend who had been through it. Amazing song, and so very bittersweet.

Yesterday was my last day of work at the daycare, and my mom cried. I did too, but hid it. She is amazing and has done SO much for me, but I didn't leave because of her. Emotionally, it was too hard. So last night Matt and I rearranged what would have been our baby nursery, and turned it in to an office for me. I will be doing full time, from home. I pray I can keep this family afloat. Working from home is great, but sometimes you have to really push yourself to get to work, instead of staying in bed. Being in this room is okay. I am not too sad about it, and being in here kind of makes me feel closer to my little beans.