So, I have this song that I listen to a LOT. Even though it's a man singing, and he talks about his wife, the main reasoning behind the song just reminds me of me from time to time. I talk to God a lot. I tell him things, I get angry with him, and he lets me. I cry to him, and ask him why.... And he always listens. Sometimes, he is all the solace that I have. I get to just talk to him. It's really one of the most comforting and calming things that I find works... Anyway, the song is called "The man I want to be" by Chris Young.. Yes, I am aware of the fact that I do not have a penis, but the meaning of the song is great! ;)
I read a book on miscarriage/child loss a few weeks ago, and I have been stuck thinking about something the author (also a Dr.) wrote, and it has helped some. Probably, someone who has not lost a child, or miscarried, or had a perfect pregnancy might not understand. Someone who hasn't read the book "A Child Is Born" might not get it either.... But the author wrote that the crazy thing about pregnancy is NOT miscarriages, or infant loss. It's actually the fact that anyone can even have a child born into this world, perfect. If you have read a lot about pregnancy, and how it all works (I'm talking splitting cells, genetics, chromosomes, attachment, bloods, vessels, etc) you will know that what he says is SO true. The amount of miracles involved in growing a child in your womb, from conception to birth is such an amazing task, that really, its a miracle that anyone has children who are born perfect! In talking with some close friends today, and reading other people's blogs on child loss, it really is true. There are SO many woman in this world who cannot get pregnant, or once they do have problems. SO many things have to be so perfect in order to grow a child.
I have a heavy heart for a friend today. She has been through infant loss, and is pregnant again... However, her numbers are not going up like they should. I cannot imagine the sadness, and anger she may be feeling. I pray for her constantly, and hope God will show her that He is with her throughout all of this.
I have also been so amazed and happy and grateful for God putting so many caring people in my life. Like I said in a previous blog, a friend of mine sent me (or had her bf drop off ;)) a necklace for me. It has not come off of my neck since I got it. I love when people ask about it. I love spreading my story. Another friend, who I fortunately (or unfortunately, I guess given the circumstances) met after my first miscarriage (and she lost her newborn son) - is sending me something too. The "baby loss" club is huge and massive, but I think more woman can relate than I ever expected. These woman know exactly how you feel. They know saying things don't help. But, knowing they are there for you helps.. a lot. Thank you God for delivering so many people into my life, in Your name.