Changes

So, today Matt went in to the hospital for an endoscopy. Everything went smoothly, and the Dr. only found a few "sores" on his stomach. He said they could be from all of his medication, or something else. Apparently, they are going to do pathology on the biopsied sores. He was really out of it and sleepy when he got out of the procedure. The Dr. said that he had to take extra meds in order to "fall asleep". I hate being at that hospital, and I hate when he has to go in for procedures. All bad memories.

For the last few days, since returning to work, I have been having major anxiety. Matt thinks I went back to work too soon. Me, on the other hand, think I went back to the wrong line of work. I have been working for my mom at her licensed daycare for over a year and a half now. Everything was great about the job, until I started losing my babies. Going back after each one has been hard to deal with. This time, when I went back, there were 3 new baby girls. Every night I would tell Matt "I don't want to go to work". I had been going to work all along, and enjoying it, but now it is just too hard to deal with.

I told my mom I would be quitting today, and she was a little mad at first, but then was very understanding and happy for me. The problem is, I have no job to take its place. Honestly, right now, I have no interest in working at all. I don't want to sit at home and do nothing, but I don't want to be out with the real world yet, either. We decided that since I am so familiar with ebay, that I will give it another shot. This time full time. I might not make as much as I did at daycare, but I will still be bringing in some money, all the while being able to be at home.

Since Evan has come home we have had some pretty major issues with him, personality/attitude wise and have been working very hard at fixing/adjusting him. For Matt and I to both be home full time, will give us the chance to work one on one with Evan and tackle his needs.

I'm hoping God has led me to making this scary choice, and will help continue our strengthening. I think it will be a good bonding experience as well. I look forward to being home, but I also have major worries about making money and keeping us afloat.